Collarspace vs Fetlife

Be careful, a lot of ignorant people and some scammers on Collar Space. Stay safe.
Fetlife is more like facebook for kinksters, with a lot of bells and whistles. it is not specifically a dating site, but no one objects if you contact people that look interesting.

Both sites are free and safe for signup.

Some advice : first of all, no *censored* picture for your profile picture. you may laugh, but many guys still do that.

Second, if you contact someone that looks like you someone might want to talk to don’t be an ass about it. be polite, and friendly, like you would be if you were to meet someone at a party. Don’t just go “hey i want this and that, and you are sub, so you have to give it to me.” that will get you blocked. These are not just kinksters, they are PEOPLE.


Fetlife is clearly the best option. But as someone pointed out, no one messages you. This is not a personal ad site, it is a community. The majority of the people there already have someone and are not “looking for love.”

There are a zillion more males than females on all these sites, frankly. And if you are a submissive male there are 10 zillion for every eligible female. So you have work cut out for you if you expect to be noticed at all.

But if you are a dominant male looking for more than playing in the semi-public scene with women who are already attached but allowed to “play,” you are also facing extreme odds.

Most of the single submissive females on Fetlife who are not under 25 range from extremely overweight to obese. I realize that is now the status quo in American society, but it is simply a fact that height and weight proportional people on Fetlife, who are single and looking for someone, are perhaps THE smallest population, um so to speak.


Unlike Fetlife, Collarspace is really all about hooking up, finding significant others, or additions to one’s collection of subs, ployhousholds etc. The community aspect on the forums and chatrooms are but a sideline.

This is smaller than Fetlife, and yes it is full of pro dommes. But there are also lifestyle dommes.

On the whole it is mainly leather oriented, Master/slave stuff. But occasionally there are more domestic FLR and spanko types.

Collarpace has a percentage of fake “findommes” i.e. young girls who are under the delusion men will throw money at them for no reason whatsoever. And some older women who are under the same delusion.

It is pretty easy to tell the real people from the wishful thinking prostitutes.

Dominant men dominant the population. So do not expect a submissive woman to reply to even the most appropriate and polite message. They get far too many messages to be able to read all of them. But if you make an effort to search for newest members often you may get a foot in door before they are swamped with replies.

They do have chatrooms, but regardless of your BDSM orientation you have to be up for hours of small talk about the weather if you hope to be accepted and possibly get to know someone.

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  1. i have had the best luck on Fetlife but since my relocation to Florida it has turned out to be tougher and less of a thing here in the area. But i found my Owners on Collarspace… the only good thing to come from the site.

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  2. Fetlife is not a dating site so don’t post adds looking to hook up or meet people. Fetlife is an resource for education and events in your area. The best way to meet kinky people is in person as women especially will not meet up with random dudes. Try going to some munches in your area, listed on Fetlife, to meet people. Kink/BDSM is all about trusting your partner and anyone who says otherwise will be an instant red flag to potential partners.

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